Body Changes, Take 1

Is it just me, or are these girls growing up too fast? How are they ready to talk about body changes already? Didn't we just finish potty training??

Ready or not (they're ready -- I am not!), in fourth grade at our school, the students watch a video about body changes (gender specific), and we wanted them to be prepared for this. When I was growing up, my mom was pretty liberal, but we certainly didn't talk much about periods and bras and all that. It was done in a kind of "this is for this, that is for that, it's tough to be a woman" way. Our TAGG group felt strongly that this was an opportunity for mature discussion; for questions and curiosity; for openness. We also wanted to dispel any rumors or misinformation.

Michelle kindly requested the video ahead of time from our fourth grade teachers, and they happily obliged. She reported back about the general tone and content of the video so we'd know what lay ahead. Nothing racy! Very much about hormonal and body changes. We decided to host both pre- and post-video viewing sessions so we could prep the girls before the video and then give them time to reflect after watching it in class. (Note: a few of the younger girls of the group sat these two sessions out, as they weren't quite ready for these discussions. Many of them did participate, though, as they'd likely hear all about it from their older sisters anyway!)

So here's the rundown of Body Changes, Take 1, lovingly led by Karis and Laura:

1) Greeting

2) Skit performed by Laura, Karis and one of the girls. Basic synopsis: girls complained about their bodies: "I'm too short!" "I don't like my hair!" A friend lifted their spirits by reminding them that those things may change during puberty. "My sister grew 5 inches when she turned 13." "My neighbor's hair seemed so shiny once she became a teenager."

3) Group generated list of changes that happen to our bodies: body odor, hair in new places, grow taller, develop breasts, mood swings, get your period, acne.

4) Discussion about these topics and how the girls felt about them. Most of the conversation came back to menstruation. They had so many questions about why it happened, what is was exactly, what that would feel like, etc. Everyone weighed in with opinions and answers; nothing was off-limits, and the girls kept it very appropriate. They seemed to understand that they were entering into "women's" conversation. Karis and Laura brought pads to show the girls and reassured them that if they were at a friend's house, the mom there would be happy to help them if the need arose. The moms shared plenty of growing up stories, too. We all had quite a few chuckles!

5) Self care: We stressed the importance of daily washing! Especially your face and underarms. Showering was encouraged as an every other day occurrence so as not to dry out your skin/scalp. And don't forget the deodorant! Or as our beloved Mrs. Schroeder called it, "underarm charm!" Eating healthy foods and avoiding too much sugar would help with acne issues, as well as general health. We talked about how our girls needed at least 10 hours of sleep each night. Twice daily brushing of teeth and flossing, as well as using mouthwash when needed, was stressed. Use of sunscreen, hats and sunglasses helped with skincare issues. And, of course, changing of the stinky socks and undies DAILY!!

6) Right to privacy: we wanted to be clear -- no one had the right to touch you without your permission! If boys (or other girls) started snapping your bra or touching your hair or anything you don't approve of, talk to a responsible adult right away. Nip it in the bud!

7) Bras. Some of the moms brought in a few bras to show the girls how to put them on, as well as to demonstrate the various sizes, shapes, designs, etc. They had a pretty big laugh about my bright pink one! A little style in the unmentionables was nothing to be ashamed of! (o:

8) The Whole You. A great reminder that this puberty stuff was just one piece to the amazing puzzle of YOU! (from "The Caring and Keeping of You" by American Girl).

9) While the girls could have talked about this topic all weekend, we finally ended with a clever chant Tricia taught us called "Private Square."

"Stop! Don't touch me there. 

This is my private square. (mime drawing a square in front of your body)

That is yours (point away) and this is mine (point to self)

And this is where I draw the line!" (draw a line across your neck)

Thank goodness we planned to revisit this topic again next month. But so glad we started our open dialogue and made it easy breezy to discuss. Those days of embarrassment and hush-hush talk were gladly in the past!

Resolving Conflict

If your family is anything like mine, you hear more rather ridiculous arguments than you can count every day (maybe even every morning?). I read that on average, siblings in particular fight 3.5 times every hour. That's roughly 10 minutes of each hour of the day that they are together. Ouch! No wonder my husband and I have a super-sized container of Excederin in the medicine cabinet. Not every argument is silly, of course, and there are plenty of reasons why we should teach our girls how to stand up for themselves and resolve conflict peacefully and assertively.

Michelle and Kori led our conflict resolution meeting, and as calm and gentle souls, they were the perfect ones to do it! After a good discussion about why people argue and the difference between a big and small conflict, they introduced this acronym: Take a STAND to solve a problem.

S -- Stop and calm down. Keep emotions in check.
T -- Tell what's bugging you. Listen to each side. Stick to the facts!
A -- Assess alternatives. Brainstorm your options.
N -- Narrow your choices to "win-wins."
D -- Decide on the best one that you both agree upon, and do it!

"I" statements were also introduced as a great way to solve conflicts -- to move from being too passive (like a doormat) or aggressive (like a mean kid) to assertive (kind, but standing up for yourself). All of the moms at our moms-only meeting felt really strongly about this one. "We are teaching our daughters to be kind, but then they are walked all over!" A few of us admitted that that was still the case for ourselves as adults. Use of these "I" statements helped overcome the hurdle of worrying about others' feelings and just stating facts about ourselves.

A sheet with this information was passed out:

"I" statements are usually done in a very specific way, and they can be used anywhere, at any time, with anyone!

"I feel __________ (mad, sad, scared, upset, disappointed, etc.) when you _____________(describe the action or behavior) because ___________ (say how this action led to your feeling). I need you to/I want you to/I wish you would ___________ (say what you would like the other person to do)."

The girls and moms broke into small groups and were given scenarios to try to resolve. Everyone had ideas about how to solve the problems they faced. Watching these girls stand up for themselves when they felt wronged (acting or not) gave us all a sense of power and peace. They could do this! As always, we ended the meeting in a circle, giving compliments to the female next to us.

Now, I know the everyday squabbles aren't going anywhere, but when the big ones arrive, we have a pocket full of ideas about how to resolve them. Yeehaw!