Growing Up/Body Changes, Revisited!

Every year we feel like we should revisit the topic of puberty--can you really talk about it too much?!?!  The girls in our group are ages 9-12 and at varying stages of body development.  We want to make sure that they're comfortable with what's happening and have a chance to get their questions answered.  And we want to make it fun!

Before this month's meeting we gave the girls a little quiz, to see which topics needed the most re-visiting.  We were happy to see that for the most part, the girls were comfortable with how their bodies were changing, and knew what to expect.  Whew!  But we still wanted to revisit some issues relating to puberty and offer up another chance to talk about everything again.  We especially wanted to talk about bras, what to do if you get your period at school, and shaving.

Here was our plan for the December meeting:

December TAGG meeting – the body changes/puberty talk revisited!

Open with greeting each other, then a game based on Gobble Turkey Gobble:

Choose one person to be “it” – this person picks up a tampon or pad, and stands with their back to the group.  She tosses it over her head (like a bride tosses a bouquet at a wedding) and then says “Santa, are you coming this year?”  Whoever catches the pad has to say “HO HO HO!  Merry Christmas!”  Then the tosser needs to guess who caught the pad.  Switch kids and repeat!

Next is Team Relays!  Divide the girls into 2 groups.

1)  Grab a bra and some pads.  Shoot 10 pads through the air using the bra like a slingshot – the pads must travel at least 10 feet (count it out by ten big steps).  Each person on your team must shoot at least 1 pad.  Count out loud up to 10 and then gather up your pads.  Turn in 10 pads to Michelle to get your next task.
[The idea here was to get the girls comfortable with handling bras and pads.]

 2)  Choose one member of your team to be the “Period Princess” – dress her up using a combination of toilet paper, streamers, pads/tampons, and tape.  When she’s finished, parade her around the room, and be sure to have Alicia snap a picture.

[Again, a silly way to get comfortable handing tampons and pads.]

Intermission – Mom’s fashion show!

Moms walk through the room with their purses.  Each purse has a ziplock baggie hanging from the OUTSIDE of their purse, or taped to the outside of the purse – baggies will have pads, tampons, underwear in them.  So awful and embarrassing!  Only Alicia will have nothing hanging on the outside – she’ll have a “period pouch” discretely tucked into her purse.  We’ll have kids guess “which one of these is not like the others” – then have Alicia show the “period pouch" -- a small, drawstring pouch that Alicia and her girls made from fun fabrics!

3)  Each girl should choose a “period pouch” and fill it with necessary items –  a couple of pads and extra “underwear” (construction paper underwear—to be replaced with real underwear at home).  Once you have your pouches filled, make up a list of new names for the “period pouch,” and then make up a little advertisement/jingle for this new creation.  Sit down quietly and raise your hands when your team is ready.  Make sure to practice a couple of times.
[Now hopefully the girls feel not so scared about what to do if their first period comes while they are at school -- we also talked about what to do, who they could ask for help, etc.]

4)  Each girl grabs an orange and gets ready to shave it.  Each team will have 1 can of shaving cream and a few razors.  With a volunteer mom’s assistance, each girl should shave an orange – being careful not to zest the orange! – light pressure please!
[We're thinking that some girls might feel ready to shave their legs in the next year, and wanted to get them comfortable with shaving -- not that they have to start anytime soon, but in case they want to.  One girl already had!  And she shared her experience with us, too.]

5)  While you’re waiting for others to shave their oranges, write down a few questions – about body development, puberty, questions you might have, things you want to know but might be embarrassed to ask.   Write your question on a note card and fold it in half to keep it secret.  When your team has at least 7 questions, count out loud up to 7 (or higher) and deliver questions to Tricia.  She will give you supplies for the next activity.
[We like to provide opportunity for the girls to anonymously ask questions, so there's no embarrassment!  And it's always interesting to see how many girls have the SAME question!]

*We ran out of time for this next one, but it sounds hilarious, so we'll save it for another time.
6) Water color tampon painting is next!  Grab a few different size tampons, glasses of water/food coloring/watercolor paints.  Unwrap tampons, dip them in water, and use them to paint a masterpiece – no finger painting or brushes allowed!  When your painting is done, hold it up for all to see, and make sure Alicia takes pictures.

Snack time!  Pretzels, popcorn, carrots & dip, and mini-candy canes!

While we’re having snack, we’ll go through the teams’ questions, discuss some of the activities we’ve done, etc. 

Unfortunately we also ran out of time for the skits, but that's ok, because we spent lots of time talking as a group, going over questions, experiences the moms have had, etc. 

Here's what we had planned:

A couple groups of Moms will perform a sample skit – something about a girl getting her period, needing assistance, and friends coming to help her.  The skits must be 1) creative, 2) discrete when dealing with the issue, and 3) show girls supporting each other in a caring way.  Of course they can be funny, too!  The skits are designed to show the girls that all women can think of each other as sisters – and look for ways to support & help each other.

Time Management

After another summer off, we gathered together on a warm fall day to start up our beloved TAGG meetings once again. It felt so good to be together, and the room was buzzing with conversation, laughter and excitement for the year to come.

For many of the girls, this would be their last year in elementary school. Given all the opportunities and responsibilities middle school can offer, managing time and commitments could become an issue for our daughters. Thus our time management theme was created. We used a couple of games, pie charts and calendars this month to tackle this topic.

We started with a little ice breaker to get everyone loosened up...we made our own summer-themed cards for the game Headbanz. Each mom stood in front of the girls (one at a time) wearing the summer word. The girls tried to get the mom to guess what word was on their head -- only yes or no questions allowed! We encouraged the girls to incorporate some of their summer memories whilst playing. Once the mom guessed, another mom took her place. We had words like water, camping, mosquitos, sand toys, etc. It was a hit! Once all the cards had been used, we all grabbed a snack and chatted a bit.

Coming back together with a "Tag -- you're it! Ooommm...," we then reminded everyone about the topic and introduced a time management game. Here's how it's played:

Divide participants into teams of five or so. Unveil the numbered list of tasks (see below -- these should be written on poster board). Explain the teams have ten minutes to collect as many points as possible. They must be safe and again, they only have ten minutes. The leaders (Michelle and myself) will check off each item the teams have done and award them the points earned in the allotted time. Each group gets a copy of the tasks posted on the wall. 

After the activity, discuss learning points. How did you decide which activities to prioritize? Would this have been easier by yourself? Why or why not?

Activities: 

1. Do a lap around the room (5 points).
2. Create something for a mom to wear, such as a hat or tie (10 points; bonus 5 points if the mom actually wears it!).
3. Find out something unique about each person on the team (5 points).
4. Sing a song together (15 points).
5. Make a paper airplane and throw it from one end of the room to another (10 points).
6. Get everyone in the room to sign a single piece of paper (5 points).
7. Stack up 20 chairs, then put them back where you found them (20 points).
8. Assign a fun nickname to each member of your team (5 points).
9. Create name cards for each team member (5 points; bonus 5 points if you use your team nicknames).
10. Do 25 jumping jacks while singing the ABCs (10 points).
11. Name your team and come up with a rhyming cheer (5 points for the name, 5 points for the cheer).
12. Create a human pyramid (10 points).
13. Form a conga line and dance from one end of the room to another (5 points; bonus 10 points if anyone NOT on your team joins you!).

You could imagine how much fun this was! Michelle and I had a bin of supplies needed for this activity, so everything was readily acceptable if needed. The conga line was my favorite, hands-down. The insightful debriefing afterwards noted that some of the girls thought working together proved very efficient, while others bemoaned that it made everything slower. But they all had to admit it -- this game made them manage their time.

We headed back to tables and our respective families. Michelle and I had requested that the moms bring their daughters' schedules -- ballet, hockey, music lessons, etc. We hoped to help them look at their time and take ownership of it. I knew I wasn't the only one who just reminded my child of obligations every week! Michelle had printed out a couple of calendars/pie charts to help the girls visualize how they spend their time. The blank pie charts had 24 pieces to represent every hour of the day. The girls worked with their moms to see what they did on average every day. Sleep was the victor, with school a close second. But how they did they fill all those other hours? This proved eye-opening for those girls who would often say, "I never have enough time for x, y, z!" Turned out that if you manage your time wisely, you may find extra time for that project or game you wanted to play. 

We took another little break to play a round of "Would you Rather?" We used these scenarios:

1) Bake cookies OR do dishes?

2) Make a birthday card OR clean the house for a party?

3) Go grocery shopping OR go out for dinner?

4) Organize the game closet OR play a game?

5) Cuddle with your pet OR scoop their poop?

6) Do homework OR read a book?

7) Run through a sprinkler OR take a shower?

8) Paint a picture OR put away your laundry?

9) Clean the bathroom OR play a game of kickball?

(If you haven't played this before, it's super simple! Just have the caller say the two choice out loud; choice 1 kids will move to the north wall, choice 2 to the south. Easy peasy!)

This game gently reminded the girls that while we'd all rather just have fun, we have responsibilities to tend to as well.

We finished the night with more calendars and scheduling with daughters/moms groups. We circled up at 8:30, gave our neighbor to the right a compliment, and said good night. Another year is off to a great start!

Friends on Your Life Raft

The natural ebb and flow of our preadolescents brought constant stories and questions about friendship; we would likely revisit this topic every year. And there was no shortage of interest in the topic, either!

Laura and Karis, our leaders for the night, started the conversation just by asking the girls, "What makes a good friend?"
"Someone who is nice." 
"Someone you can trust." 
"You have fun with a friend!"
"My friends and I like to do the same things."

Next we played a little game -- "Do you like this or that?" It's just a series of options the girls had to pick from. If you liked this, you moved to the right side of the room. If you liked that, then go the left. It's an easy way to see how we have commonalities and differences between our friends. Some options included pizza or pasta? Ice cream or cake? Sledding or swimming?

The girls then had a few moments to write some anonymous questions about friends. We all sat on the floor as the discussion began, and spent much time listening to the moms' friendship experiences. The girls listened carefully and thoughtfully as the adults shared stories about friends who wove in and out of our lives naturally and with no anger; about those who had shaped us and loved us deeply; about traveling to new places and having to make new acquaintances who often became amigos; how this could be unnerving and scary along with exciting and life changing. Jen summed it up with a beautiful quote:

"Friends support you on your life raft; if you don't maintain relationships, you can't stay afloat."

After a quick snack, a gulp of water and some stretches, we all got back to it in small groups. Laura and Karis posed a few questions for us to mull over in our groups. Below are just a sample of answers the girls talked about:

How do you deal with friends who only play with their best friend or boss others around?
⇢ talk to your teacher
⇢ try not to be a third wheel; find a new friend!
⇢ this is hurtful! talk 1-on-1 with someone in the group to let them know how you feel

How do you avoid a person who wants to be your friend, but whom you just don't really like?
⇢ join a bigger group to disperse the attention
⇢ stand up for yourself, but be kind about it!
⇢ avoid extra time together

What do you do when friends leave you out?
⇢ find a new friend
⇢ talk about it, or just stay away for awhile
⇢ confide in your parents or another trusted adult
⇢ practice what you're going to say if you decide to confront them about it

What do you do when your comrades don't want to include others, but you're okay with it? How would it feel if you were the one excluded?
⇢ talk to your friend; make plans to have some alone time, but also time to include other people
⇢ spend time with other friends on your own
⇢ it feels bad to be excluded!

The meeting drew to a close, and we all had much to think about. The overall theme we kept hearing was to COMMUNICATE with your friends! No one could read minds, and shouldn't be expected to.

As we gathered in our circle to say goodnight and give our compliments, I felt very proud to be a part of this thoughtful group of females. We loved our friends fiercely and expected kindness and respect in the world.

Holiday Crafts & Hobbies

The pine and spice smells fragranced the air. But it was COLD! December bowled us over with its chilliness, as well as its command to stay indoors. This was a perfect time to introduce some new hobbies and crafts to the girls. If we're going to be stuck inside, we should make the most of it!

We held a craft and hobby night, and many of the moms (and a couple of older sisters -- thank you!) took charge of each of several stations. We communicated via email to choose these, and the results were overwhelmingly excellent. (The photos below will help better explain each of them.) That night, once we gathered in our circle to greet each other and explain the night, we let the the girls loose. The moms stayed at their stations to help, though had opportunities to roam a bit, too. The girls hopped freely from table to table to try everything once or twice or seven times. This event was too short and everyone requested a repeat soon!

Two of the older sisters kindly taught everyone how to finger knit. 

My girls and I had to run out to purchase some yarn for at home after they mastered this craft.

Because we were so close to Christmas, and all of us celebrate this holiday, 

Kori taught the girls how to tie lovely ribbon Christmas trees.

This table had all things card-making; cool papers, rubber stamps and pads, embossing tools and powders. I aided the ladies as they created gift tags and cards for their holiday presents.

Here Michelle and Sara demonstrated how to sew an adorable Christmas ornament. Michelle, the resident quilt extraordinaire, already had all the materials at home for this craft.

Elizabeth's idea of creating edible art was brilliant! Especially when you could nibble your creation throughout the night. She wisely brought healthy options along with a few treats.

Jen and Cali worked on finger knitting -- some of those ropes were exceptionally long!

All Things Sleepover!

What started as a healthy snacks theme morphed into all things sleepover. How, you may ask? Well, last year we already spent some time discussing healthy habits in general, and we didn't think the girls would be keen to review that again. But we wanted them to take ownership of making their own healthy snacks -- what parent isn't tired of the "I'm hungry -- what can I eat?" question?!  Thinking about making tasty and good-for-you treats with friends sounded good, and a perfect venue for that is a sleepover! Everyone loves to eat at those! Donned in jammies and clutching our sleeping bags, we set out for an incredibly delightful evening.

Here was our agenda for the night and how it played out:

1.  Ice Breaker: "Mirror" game. Sit or stand face to face. Pick a leader. The leader slowly moves her arms or legs while the other tries to mirror the movements exactly. See how in sync you can be. (This cracked many of us up!)
2. Top 5 sleepover ideas -- brainstorm with the group. What do you like to do at a sleepover? Or if you haven't been a part of a sleepover yet, what would you like to do?
3. Snack time! How can you make your friends and yourself some yummy, semi-healthy snacks? We had all the supplies for the girls to make each of these:
1. Homemade microwave popcorn. You need a paper bag (like a lunch sack), popcorn, a little butter and salt if you like. Simply put a couple of tablespoons of popcorn in the bag, roll it up tightly and put it in the microwave. Set the timer for a couple of minutes. As the popping slows, take it out, pour it in a bowl, and add melted butter/salt to your liking. Viola!
2. Make your own trail mix. Keeping allergies in mind, you can go wild with this! Nuts, dried fruit, m&m's, cereal, pretzels, you name it.
3. Roll up some energy bites. 
1. Ingredients: 1 cup dry oatmeal, 1/2 cup chocolate chips (or dried fruit), 1/2 cup peanut or almond butter, 1/2 cup ground flaxseed, 1/3 cup honey, 1 teaspoon vanilla.
2.  Mix together all these ingredients, roll into walnut-sized balls and then refrigerate for an hour (or just eat at room temp!).
4. Create a smoothie. Add yogurt, fruit, honey and juice or water to the blender. Let it whir and enjoy!
4. Games (discussion and playing, of course!)
1. What makes games appropriate?
2. How can you say no to a friend if she wants to do something you know you shouldn't?
3. Technology use -- can you hop online when friends are over?
4. Pass out fun game ideas (includes silly games, friendship quizzes, craft ideas). See below. (Friendship quizzes were found in several American Girl friendship books.)
5. Solicit more ideas from the girls. Give them 10 minutes to brainstorm with small groups and then share. Add their ideas to the lists they were given above.
6. Play at least one of the games!

We topped the night off with a "campfire" of flashlights and scarves. We told stories, then ended with back rubs or scratches. What a way to kick off the weekend! They all wanted to have a "real" sleepover together at one of our meetings. That's an idea to mull over...

                         

                                   

                                                         Our "campfire."

Staying Home Alone

As established awhile ago, our girls were growing up! Yay and boo. (o: And with that came more independence. Many of them were talking about wanting to stay home alone; some of them already had. It was time to go over the ground rules for this new adventure.

Tricia and Sara handled this one beautifully. After greeting one another and grabbing some snacks, they followed this outline for the night:

1) House Rules
2) Are You Ready to Stay Home Alone?
3) Real-life Scenarios

House Rules 

Tricia and Sara used a guide from the American Girl Library collection, "Staying Home Alone." It mentioned the following tips for discussing house rules, as every family's different.

• Check in: after you get home, lock the door and check in with an adult. Who should that be and how?
• Phone calls: do you answer the phone? Let it ring? What do you say if someone is looking for your parents?
• Company: can you answer the door if someone knocks? Can you have friends over?
• Technology: are you allowed to use the computer, internet, iPad, TV, phone, etc.?
• Being home: can you play in your yard or neighborhood? Or should you stay indoors?
• Snacks: what are you allowed to eat when you're alone? Are there any appliances that are off-limits (stove, microwave)?
• Schedule: if you are home alone after school, do you have to do homework or chores before you can play?

The discussion that ensued was lively and informative. Some comments included:

"My yard is fenced in and locked, so I know I am safe in there."

"I can have friends over only if the other parents know we will be alone and they're okay with that."

"Sometimes I sneak a treat when no one is home!"

"I can watch TV, right Mom?"

"I don't like to be home alone when it's dark, so we just do that during the day."

Are You Ready to Stay Home Alone?

No one wants anything unpleasant to happen to our kids, especially when we aren't around! But things do tend to come up, and knowing how to stay calm is key to ensuring a positive experience. The girls took a short quiz (from the same book mentioned earlier) to rate how they handled the unexpected. Arming them with the knowledge of how comfortable they feel by themselves helped them gauge their maturity a bit. We discussed calling 911 for a real emergency, or just calling your parents if you're not sure about something. Make a plan for these scenarios: a parent is late. There's a scary noise in the basement. You and your siblings are fighting -- who is in charge? 

A helpful tip to remember: if your daughter didn't feel ready to be home alone, then you wouldn't make her stay home alone! Short trial-runs work beautifully -- a quick run to the library or to get some gas. Start short and work your way up to a few hours. 

And what to do when you're home alone, ladies? Some girls mentioned being bored. But what freedom you have when you're alone! Do the things your family finds really annoying (singing too loudly, banging on drums, popping gum bubbles). Write in your diary. Make a surprise for your family. The time will go faster if you stay busy.

Real-life Scenarios

We divided into teams for the last part of our night. Our mission? To decide what we'd do in certain situations. We needed to discuss 1) how we'd feel, 2) what solutions or strategies we'd have, and 3) who we could talk to about them. Here are a few examples:

• You come home from school alone. While you were at school your friend gave you the website for a really cool online game. Everyone in your class has been playing this. Your friend even gave you her passcode so it's FREE! Your mom and dad have said they want to okay any websites before you use them. But, by the time they get home there will not be any time left to play the game because then you have to leave for basketball. What do you do?

• You are home alone and your phone doesn't have called ID. You answer the phone because you think it's your mom. The person on the line says she works with your dad. She wants to drop off some important papers, but she forgot to get the address from him. If you can give her the address, she can bring the papers now. How do you respond?

• You are home alone and left in charge of your younger sister. Your parents said you could watch a movie, but you two can't agree on one. Your sister gets upset and throws the DVD at your head. It didn't really hurt that bad, but you are frustrated and don't know what do to. What now?

This part of the night could have gone on for hours. Literally. There were a host of ideas and feelings. But really, it all boiled down to staying calm, making the right choices and contacting your parents if things just couldn't be resolved or you couldn't shake the bad feeling in your gut. Trust your gut! It's smart and has your safety as top priority #1!

P.S...If you ever want the full version of things like these real-life scenarios, just throw it in a comment and I can publish them all.

Healthy Habits, Inside and Out

After a break from meeting in the summer, we eagerly got together again in September. How we had missed each other! We were now meeting at a local church, which had fabulous space and more flexibility for us. Each family paid an equal % of the cost upfront to rent the space from September through May.

We started off with a Summer Check-in game:

Once the girls had some time to chat and catch up a bit (and get their extra energy out!), we took some time to check out our new space (find the restrooms, of course) and then settled in for some discussion about ways we keep the inside of our bodies healthy. We listed them on some easel paper:

We talked about the word "diet" and how it really just means what you eat. Our girls were quite cognizant of healthy food choices already, as our group's families prioritized this at home. The suggestion that stuck out to me was "love." What a simple way to improve your mental health, your self-esteem, your outlook on life! That was my favorite contribution.

We stretched our bodies a bit with some yoga moves and nibbled a few healthy snacks before heading into "Outside of our Bodies." We broke into groups. Each table worked together to brainstorm examples of ways we keep the outside of our bodies healthy. The ideas were recorded on Post-its and then added to the large body drawing on the board. 

Ideas included bike helmets, sunscreen, deodorant, glasses/sunglasses, changing clothes, etc. Very creative!

Ending the night with a back scratch chain helped reinforce the best healthy habit: love for yourself!