Mother-Daughter Meet-N-Greet

The moms of the group decided we should meet once each month with just the moms, along with once a month with the girls. We needed time to plan, brainstorm and decompress about whatever issues we might currently be dealing with. This was to be a support group for us all.

One of our kind mothers, Elizabeth, offered her basement as the first official "everyone" meeting site. We thought we'd try rotating homes to host the meetings (though admittedly, most of us didn't have space for 26 people in one room!). Elizabeth purchased journals for each of the girls to use for reflections before, during or after our meetings. It was our hope that they'd also use these as a way to ask us moms questions they weren't comfortable speaking aloud.

We met on a school night -- all the girls were giddy and the atmosphere was electric. Truthfully, we were all pretty excited! We snuggled in on couches, chairs, pillows and the floor. It was cozy and being that close in proximity was good for us to start our bonding process! I took some time to introduce the concept of a mother-daughter group and solicited feedback from everyone about their hopes and dreams for this group. We had many. The girls also had many questions about respect and trust and confidentiality, so we took time to create a compilation of our promises. We all knew there would be some big conversations ahead, and it was imperative we had each other's backs.

1) Keep our promises to each other.
2) Be honest and trustworthy.
3) Make people feel like they belong.
4) What happens here, stays here!
5) Be aware of each other's needs.
6) Respect each other's ideas.
7) Share with each other.
8) Be on time.
9) Work hard and play hard.
10) Have fun together!

After agreeing with these guidleines, we broke into small groups to create a name for ourselves. Something catchy and easy to remember. Something that would be kind of a code; the girls were very aware that not all of their friends were a part of this group, and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings if they mentioned it at school. Some names thrown into the debate were:

MDP (Mother Daughter Project)
Ladies + Girls
The Chicks and the Chickens/Hens
Wacky Women
Sharing Caring
The Amazing Girls Group (TAGG)
GG (Girls Group)

The winner was TAGG (The Amazing Girls Group)! We also voted on ways to get the group's attention back after small group time or games. It was decided that one leader would call, "Tag -- you're it!" and all would go into the standing or seated lotus yoga pose and say "Oooomm." Perfect! Naturally we had to practice a little bit. (o:

We ended with time to decorate our new journals with all sorts of fun crafty materials, eat a snack and be a little silly. They had some energy to burn. But it was just a perfect way to start!

How did we get started?

Well, I started talking to some of my dear friends...the same ones I had been meeting for coffee, dinner, workouts, girls' weekends, etc. since my eldest was in kindergarten. We had a shared history; we had been watching our girls grow up together. And they were shining! I told them about this book and invited them to read it and think about their interest level in creating a group together. Not one turned me down.

A tricky part was that the group needed to remain fairly small in order to create the circle of trust required for the mature conversations we would have in the future. So, altogether I invited 9 women, with daughters ranging in age from kindergarten to fourth grade. The grand total (including my family) was 26. Not all that small! But manageable. The moms read the book (or skimmed it or got the Cliff's Notes version from someone else) and we met. We sat around at someone's house and riffed ideas and shared parenting stories. We talked about the highlights of the book, as well as the parts we were absolutely NOT doing. We had some shared backgrounds, but mostly not. Our group was in the Twin Cities, but we were not all from here. Some had small families, others large. Some worked full-time, some stayed home. We had to take time to make sure our goals and values aligned -- this group had plans to stick together for many years!

Then we brainstormed. What were some themes we wanted to address? What would the format look like? How often would we meet? Who would run the meetings? So much good discussion! We agreed to start by just meeting with the girls to talk about this idea. By asking them what they'd like to talk about, getting their input for our group name and having them be together for this common purpose, they'd take interest and ownership of the idea. It wasn't just the grown-ups who had a say -- we all did.

Our journey begins!

Hi! My name is Alicia. I am a teacher (on hiatus) and mother of three wonderful children, two of which are girls, now ages 11 and 9. A couple of years ago, I felt like I was losing my connection with my daughters. They were active, friendly, busy girls who started spending more and more time away from me -- sports, toys, playdates. Very natural, right? Yet I struggled with this idea. We were once such a strongly bonded cohort, and while I absolutely understood that kids needed to establish their own sense of self, I didn't want to lose my connection to them.

I searched online for ideas about ways to strengthen our relationships, and stumbled across this website: http://www.themother-daughterproject.com/. It was just what I was looking for. I hustled to a local bookstore to buy the book "The Mother-Daughter Project" and read ferociously. I highlighted and post-it-noted as I went, nodding my head often, wheels spinning in my brain. A mother-daughter group! That was just what we needed! This book gave me the inspiration and tools I needed to start my own mother-daughter group. At this time, many of my friends were experiencing the same things I was, and were eager to stay involved in their daughters' lives, and help them navigate the often-tricky world of puberty and the teenage years.

Thus, our TAGG Group (Totally Amazing Girls Group) was born. This blog is intended to pass along the wisdom (and headaches) our group has gained from being together and sharing the adventures of growing up. I will start from the beginning and post as we go!