You've got a friend in me

It was a pretty easy way to start: friendship. Everyone has connections to that word. Good, bad, kind, mean, fleeting, lasting. But how does one build a strong one? Our theme for our first "real" meeting was all about that.

We met at a local coffee shop in one of their gathering spaces on a Friday night. After orders of ice cream and hot drinks, the moms and girls settled in at their tables like school children: all facing the white board in the front. Michelle and I took charge of this meeting, and wanted to loosen everyone up a bit.

"Let's shove the tables aside and make a circle up front for some greetings," I suggested. Everyone scuttled to create a tight oval. We greeted with a High 5, Low 5 and fist bump. So far, the girls tended to either stay with their mom or next to a close friend. Smiles and energy all around, though! Next we requested highs or lows of the week...we had responses ranging from spelling tests to hurt feelings. (Maybe next time we could introduce a worry jar to add to whenever it was needed?)

Everyone sat back down as Michelle and I introduced the Friendship skits. I wrote these ahead of time, and let me be clear -- I did not miss my playwrighting day job! But they'd get the message across. (The skits are at the end of this post.) We called on a few moms to help us act them out. After each skit, we took time to discuss what exactly happened and how everyone felt in the scenario. These girls were impressively sensitive!

One area we really wanted to focus on was the use of the term "best friend." As a parent, I have worked hard to remind my children the importance of each of their friends, and how having many friends is core to being a better you. I think most of us had similar discussions at home. But this best friend thing came up so often at the moms dialogue before this meeting -- especially the "best friend" locket. The last skit addressed this topic; we left time to rewrite the ending of that skit with a small group so we could dig a little deeper. We chose groups with popsicle sticks that Tricia created, each with our names on them. Even Steven groups! Great idea, Tricia. And an excellent way to call on people to share when the discussion is getting heated.

Here some responses to the last skit:

                        

                      

After each group showed off their drama skills with their rewrites (some girls really hammed it up; others were shy), we sat back at the tables to talk about what a real friend was. The analysis was lively and many examples included shared personal stories and little anecdotes. The girls were loosening up! Clearly, the idea of being a good friend was one we'd need to revisit -- our time that night was running out, but the conversations weren't!

We ended with another circle -- this time, each person gavea compliment to the female next to them. They were mostly superficial at this point, ("I like your sweater" or "You have cool glasses") but others more insightful ("You are a good friend"). We'd keep working on that; time together would benefit that, too. The evening developed a wonderful start to a never-ending conversation...

Skits

“Join Us!”

A: Anyone want this piece of cheese? I am so full!

B: No thanks. Say, that’s Carol over there sitting alone. Do you think she is lonely?

D: She’s alright. She probably wants to eat alone.

A: I don’t know. Whenever I am alone at school, I wish someone would ask me to play.

D: If she wanted someone to eat with, she would ask. I know I would!

B: Sometimes it’s hard to ask to join in. It makes me feel really shy. I am going to ask her to eat with us.
--Hey, Carol! Want to sit with us?

Carol: Um, sure! Thanks for asking. (Everyone greets her.)

“Say Something!”

B: I bet you can’t do this move! (Dance or something here)

A: Easy! (Do the same and all laugh)

Carol: What’s going on over there? It looks like something’s happening with Anne.

D: I can’t tell if she is laughing or crying.

B: What should we do? It’s not really our business. Let’s keep dancing.

C: I want to make sure she is okay. She is my friend. If she is sad, I don’t want to leave her alone.

--Anne, are you okay?

Anne: Thanks, Carol. I need to play somewhere else. Those kids were teasing me about my new shoes. I liked them this morning, but now I am not sure. They said they are too clunky.

B: I think they are awesome! Wanna dance? (all start dancing)

“Not All Can be Invited”

D: I am so excited about my birthday party this weekend! It will be the best sleepover ever!

B: Me too! I have my fuzzy jammies already packed. And the new American Girl movie.

A: Who else is coming?

D: Well, that’s the hard part. Mom said I could only invite two friends, so it’s you two. I have so many friends I like, but I had to decide.

A: I think we shouldn’t talk about it at school then. Someone is bound to feel left out. Remember how you two were invited to Carol’s party and I wasn’t last year? I felt sad. I know Carol likes me, but I think she could only invite a few people, too.

D: You are right. No one likes to feel left out.

“Best Friends”

C: (walks over to a group of two girls) Hi! What are you doing? Can I play?

A: No. We’re best friends and we can’t play with anyone else.

C: (walks away sadly and approaches another two girls) Umm, hi. Can I play with you today?

D: I don’t think so. We are playing a game we play every day. Since we are best friends, we play it all the time and you just wouldn’t get it. Sorry.

C: I guess I will play alone. (looks down and plays with fingers)

A: (approaches C) Hi, Carol! Want to play with me and some other girls on the monkey bars?

C: Absolutely!

“This is Fun!”

(Anne and Carol are having fun together…laughing, playing a hand clap game)

C: This is so much fun! Thanks for inviting me over to play!

A: It is fun!

C: We really like the same stuff. I like dancing and so do you. I collect horses and you do too! I think we are like best friends!

A: Um, I already have a best friend, Carol. It’s Sally. Sally has the other side of my “best friend” locket. I can’t have two best friends.

C: Why not?

(leave open for discussion for girls to write the ending and decide if it is indeed okay to have more than one “best” friend.)