Friends on Your Life Raft

The natural ebb and flow of our preadolescents brought constant stories and questions about friendship; we would likely revisit this topic every year. And there was no shortage of interest in the topic, either!

Laura and Karis, our leaders for the night, started the conversation just by asking the girls, "What makes a good friend?"
"Someone who is nice." 
"Someone you can trust." 
"You have fun with a friend!"
"My friends and I like to do the same things."

Next we played a little game -- "Do you like this or that?" It's just a series of options the girls had to pick from. If you liked this, you moved to the right side of the room. If you liked that, then go the left. It's an easy way to see how we have commonalities and differences between our friends. Some options included pizza or pasta? Ice cream or cake? Sledding or swimming?

The girls then had a few moments to write some anonymous questions about friends. We all sat on the floor as the discussion began, and spent much time listening to the moms' friendship experiences. The girls listened carefully and thoughtfully as the adults shared stories about friends who wove in and out of our lives naturally and with no anger; about those who had shaped us and loved us deeply; about traveling to new places and having to make new acquaintances who often became amigos; how this could be unnerving and scary along with exciting and life changing. Jen summed it up with a beautiful quote:

"Friends support you on your life raft; if you don't maintain relationships, you can't stay afloat."

After a quick snack, a gulp of water and some stretches, we all got back to it in small groups. Laura and Karis posed a few questions for us to mull over in our groups. Below are just a sample of answers the girls talked about:

How do you deal with friends who only play with their best friend or boss others around?
⇢ talk to your teacher
⇢ try not to be a third wheel; find a new friend!
⇢ this is hurtful! talk 1-on-1 with someone in the group to let them know how you feel

How do you avoid a person who wants to be your friend, but whom you just don't really like?
⇢ join a bigger group to disperse the attention
⇢ stand up for yourself, but be kind about it!
⇢ avoid extra time together

What do you do when friends leave you out?
⇢ find a new friend
⇢ talk about it, or just stay away for awhile
⇢ confide in your parents or another trusted adult
⇢ practice what you're going to say if you decide to confront them about it

What do you do when your comrades don't want to include others, but you're okay with it? How would it feel if you were the one excluded?
⇢ talk to your friend; make plans to have some alone time, but also time to include other people
⇢ spend time with other friends on your own
⇢ it feels bad to be excluded!

The meeting drew to a close, and we all had much to think about. The overall theme we kept hearing was to COMMUNICATE with your friends! No one could read minds, and shouldn't be expected to.

As we gathered in our circle to say goodnight and give our compliments, I felt very proud to be a part of this thoughtful group of females. We loved our friends fiercely and expected kindness and respect in the world.